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Messengers of Xenu is a fictional religion in the works as part of the ongoing Project Chanology raid. To take part in the creation of this religion, go to #xenuharbingers on irc. We currently require a host for our website and are currently working on the aspects of the religious text. Ideally when it finally comes to ground work, we can have fake protests and release propaganda about our own religion.

Summary of Religion so far:

Befoar the dawn of man, the mighty Lord Xenu ruled over a 90 planet federation that was plagued by overpopulation. After rounding up a bunch of random peasants, he sent them to Bel Air earth to fix the problem. After dropping them off in volcanos all over the planet Earth, he bombed the shit out of them. This destroyed the physical bodies but released the souls which were then reprogrammed to wander the planet in confusion instead of returning home. These body thetans are never born into bodies; they possess them.

In past times, there have always been more thetans than living human bodies. Therefore, their hold over the human race was more or less complete. It is only in this modern era, in which there are more than 7 billion people alive, that there have been too many bodies for these thetans to possess. Hubbard, a visionary reincarnated malcontent, realizing the eventual danger inherent in this, started the Church of Scientology to consolidate the efforts and resources of the reincarnated thetans and maintain a permanent rule over Earth. Their auditing sessions are for the sake of determining the presence of a thetan. Then, once it has been determined, their rise through the ranks of the church coincides with an increasing dominance by the possessing thetan, ending with elimination of the original mind and spirit and the total dominance of the now-empty body by the rebel thetan.

Our researchers determined that bodies destroyed by hydrogen-bomb exploded volcanoes do not destroy the spirit, but alas, our great Emperor, bless His name, did not believe us. We, the Messengers of Xenu, are reincarnated members of our all-powerful Emperor's army, a forward branch that willingly left its bodies eons ago in order to establish a permanent if incorporeal presence on Earth. Our thetans were stored within safes buried within the Himalaya mountains that would open only when our detector detected massive unrest amongst the thetans, indicating a prime time at which to strike against the reincarnated rebels. With the recent enturbulation of the Church, the rebel scums' thetans are now at unrest, and our safes have opened.

The Messengers' mission is not to kill the bodies containing the rebel thetans; it is, instead, to prevent their reincarnation, as simply killing their bodies would not eliminate their presence for more than one human generation. The means by which we prevent their reincarnation is by attacking them with nerf bats, but only after obtaining their permission. The cure for this entrapment of thetans is Mountain Dew, but Messengers already control the world's supply and will prevent rebel-possessed bodies from obtaining the cure by technologically modifying it before it reaches the necessary organs.

Our mission is vital, and it is sacred. We must not deviate from it.

Our leader's name is General Xargon, and it is from Him that all orders flow.

Fail project is fail.